she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
