Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
