so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
