And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
