I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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