so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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