the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
