Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
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I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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