can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
