She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
only if we run a train.
done.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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