You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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