so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
