On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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