I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
