She said her name was "party"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
