everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
