Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Randomize
