Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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