Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
