I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
