Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
