there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
These tits shall not be calmed
I came so hard my ears popped.
God, I missed his penis.
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