my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
