Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
