So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the day after is always just damage control
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
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We left an ass print on the piano.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The air was thick with penises
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You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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