and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
