He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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