fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
