theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
