I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
