Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
