I feel great
I just peed on a car
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
