I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
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After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
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Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I love you. Go after that dick
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