Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
