If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
