I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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