I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
