Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
