Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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