Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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