saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
