i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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