Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
