I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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