I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
