That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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