People with herpes should wear stickers.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
