Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
