Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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