how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
