I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
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Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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