She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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