He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
As shirtless as possible
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
