I think scott just propositioned me for sex
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
