i need an iv and a liver transplant
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
