we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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