You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
