Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
