fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
