i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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