just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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