If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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