she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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