life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
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