Cold hands, warm shart.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
