I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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