Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
