And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
