Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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