She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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