i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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