what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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