I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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