All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
