Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
