i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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