Welp...herpes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
