I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
