I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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