I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
