We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
