so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
