Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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