The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Did we literally take a cab across the street
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
