I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
