The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
