He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
